Lifes Work

What happens to love does it just dry up and blow away under the sun, on the ground, off in the wind when that tear drops and the screaming dies out where are you then does it really matter at all What happens to love when you shut the door… turn out the lights… walk away walk away, walk away, walk away when you step out side and you’re all alone no one’s there watching you any more What happens to love when the shutter snaps and you’re caught in the act of being the real you and it’s beautiful so beautiful the beautiful you that you never knew What happens to love when it grows up faster than you’re ready for it to do so fast, that you can’t hold it back no matter what you do What happens to love when it dies young no fault of its own lifeless so early all you can do is stand and stare in to its eyes so cold yet warm memories glisten as your heart fills your throat Love Is that reminder and it has no limits….

wasn’t very lively all day even talked about going to bed right away a little work, a little thinking tried to make someones day a little brighter they didn’t want to hear it wanted to be doing something else wanted someone to listen wanted someone to tell me their problems just for a little while just for a moment wanted to open up with out fear fear is constantly chasing these days of late not fear of judgement fear of failure fear of not being good enough the fear must be rather weak for sitting happens and not much else, all the time thoughts come and go but no sign of life is found if the consequences are not feared fear is relatively insignificant no death nor pain will come no homelessness, no hunger life is far to easy here not needing or wanting leaves you free a bum in his own house driving his own car what does he want??? he only asks for ‘just enough’ just enough, nothing more it’s not the way to riches it’s not the way to fame it might just be the way trying to keep the chin up each and every day trying to do a little good now and then but each day there are questions how come the future isn’t brighter? isn’t it really caused by greed isn’t it my duty to see what’s really going on and say something maybe say something instead of buying something why preach if you yourself are unsure no one preached to you… it just happened putting the question out there should sufice for now you’ve always heard ‘there are no dumb questions’ this country is rotten to the cor and still all the attention is paid to the bruise on the surface the people of this country are deaf, dumb and blind but it’s easier that way and yes, I am one of those people deaf, bum and blind I will always be noticing just a fraction of what surrounds me love and pain… hope and indifference I just hope something happens soon I want to be a part of a movement I do not want to be it’s leader but I will bring people to it hopefully, not too far off in the future our children or our grand children will see hope in the future again they will see wise intelligent people behind old eyes people who realised that they had to start taking some responsibility for what they have done for what their for fathers had done even if it’s too late lets at least go out with some dignity chins raised high with honor or maybe not… we are X some would call us the lazy generation given the fruit early we think typing on a key board or talking on the phone is hard labor we can’t even walk up the stairs because we’ve grown so lazy maybe we’ll realise that we don’t need to fight daddy’s war anymore maybe we’ll run our entire lives by remote control travel without going anywhere love someone without even meeting them check in on them constantly because the media says you need improvement X is not the beginning or the end I wish I could say we’re hiding buried treasure but I don’t know… maybe we are that’s much nicer than being insignificant that’s right go out and be some body and prove them all wrong prove that you don’t fit that stereo-type prove that you do have wits and that once in a while when your parents said something smart, you were listening even my parents said smart things once in a while I didn’t catch all of it but once it a while I heard things like “do what I say and not what I do” “life is like water, cup you hand and let it fill you instead of grabbing at” “be kind, even if it means you have to walk away” “stand up for the rights of everyone, one day you might need help sanding up for yours” “don’t do anything else in bed but sleep, train your mind and body to sleep in bed”<—- I think I messed that one up If I’m ever a parent I hope I say something smart once in a while I hope I tell my children that I love them enough so they don’t question it but not so much that it’s completely annoying I hope I can be open with them and not have it backfire too badly I hope I have kids that have a sense of humor about life I hope I have kids with someone cool Someone that is confident but not cocky has their shit together but doesn’t mind if I’m a bit crazy someone who can chop wood, hike an unmaintained trail and tries to kick my ass at everything someone surprising and who has no problem having a conversation with any type of animal who likes ancient history and legions, magic and dreams who has their own take on art someone who is accepting and forgiving someone who thinks people are good and hates no one someone who stays in touch with their old lovers because if they were good enough to love once, they are good enough to talk to later someone like me in some ways but different in more ways someone who can talk for hours about death and the religious and political forces behind life someone who doesn’t mind that I like Sex and the City (judgementals out there) some who has loved and lost and come out the other side still smiling and hopeful that their heart will open again one day one day one day that heart will open it will stop hiding behind lies one day that heart will be healthy and free… the end. time to go to work.. yee fucking ha!

I don’t remember how I met you It might have been at the pool You were the most amazing person I’d ever met I discovered jealousy because of you Sweet justice, the jealousy drove you away Introduction didn’t even start the understanding A lesson none the less I met a boy in line at my first concert He had strange hair and spoke loudly He wasn’t scared if people were watching him He introduced him self as an artist He was the first artist I’d ever met I respected him for being him self Later on I found he respected me for the same reason I never knew we had mutual respect During one of the first parties I tried to get you to do a shot I was drunk, you… didn’t speak English You were the most powerful person I’d ever met You were bigger than life, the life I was afraid of You were the one who taught me Jealousy pushes away the thing you want the most Plain and simple I tried to return the favor with a green card We learned together for three years You loved me the longest and I never understood why Fourteen years later we met again For a beautiful moment it was destiny In the end it was your jealousy that ended A tremendously tortured year I never liked you much as a person You were shallow and arrogant Your saving grace was your loneliness You were searching for yourself And I was there to talk to Through your search I found a little piece of myself You took a few pieces with you when you left But I found them much much later I had a love hate relationship with you Thirty-two years it lasted You spent most of it showing me who not to be How the choices you make become habit forming And one day friends and family might try to save your life It’s a lesson you might only get once He was a story teller Now the stories are about him And I will be the one who writes them I thought you were young and good You thought you were old and better I thought things would be better when you were older You thought I might grow up I’m constantly changing for better or worse Wiser still I grow Through it all I try and learn and teach Learn and teach

you wake up one day and find your son is dead he did his best to get your attention but you squandered it all away thoughts of “could have” and “should have” fill your head with disease scrambling desperately to cover up the mistakes searching for anything to dampen the memorises that burn in your soul a soul that ebbs and flows like tide good one moment, disaster incarnate the next one day it hits you the pile of junk that was used for distraction it is rotting, causing the memory to intensify the pile has become the reminder you begin to take the pieces off one by one “just rearranging the deck chairs” you think to yourself but it doesn’t matter at the time it always feels like doing something helps the pain tired from your labors, sweat drips down your leg you find a shady spot to think about the origins of pain “it only exists in your head” you tell your self you know this and yet this time it doesn’t help there is something missing a ritual some conviction some peace in the fact that you are left with other choices but you decide you do not want that peace and quite yet the pain is not complete it is only a constant whisper when you want it to be an anvil dropped from ten stories up leaving no doubt that it is what it is you want to feel it completely so you can let go one day knowing full well that letting go is not what you are good at you fear it you fear it because if you can let go then you will be able to understand how others do the same and that is an understanding you never wanted to know you sit, in the shade, listening to the whisper touching the side of your cheek the tears come and you are stuck in your miserable comfort zone again

I admit it I miss her terribly I miss the thought of her The future we talked about Days after we met We talked about children and raising them Together we were going to be those parents Who did things and never once saw the child as a burden I miss her when I close my eyes at night I miss her in my dreams I miss her before the sun rises and she is not beside me Every morning at six forty five I miss her call At six forty six I miss her lips pressed against mine I feel her next to me all day long I feel her thoughts, thinking about me Every day is the same feelings I tried to hide them Cover them up Burry them But they are there Every day, the same thought The memories of peace and hope Desire closes around me like dirt on the dead When I realize she is Gone