Lifes Work

The mind is reeling, it just needs a blank page… At first it wanted in on another reality, like a drink from a familiar spring It wanted in or access to someone else Or was it more like showing off to it self Look what I can do and watch me ask the right questions and lead the conversation See its power with out being noticed The mind is at play and other minds were a temporary target But in that moment, the mind was on the hunt For reflections and reactions, it sought out minds that it felt it might release Something new, a happiness so profound that it would shake the world if everyone had it at the same time It wants to spread the word of love… Love is just a word, it represents something that we all feel in a different way but our minds tell use, this is love Ask your self, do you love anyone more than you love your self? What polluted spring can provide for the purest of waters? Love is something that many of us have not felt We felt strong feelings for our boy friend, girl friend or husband or wife I would have given my life for things that I never loved I am lucky in so many ways, I was taught acceptance at an early age, I could be what some call a sensitive person… I might be all that an more, lest start stacking the labels and see if we ever catch up to the self one minute ahead Habits… Habits rule our lives and we rarely know it Just one reaction away from having an entirely different perspective on life or past life But love is amazing… It creates or promotes self-awareness, and in turn it promotes self-love I say to myself that I’m always happy when I don’t have a girl friend I’m always happy if someone is not throwing their emotional poison at me But it makes me aware of my own so much more when it’s constantly being challenged I saw a relationship as a testing ground and in the end a test was concluded Months afterwards those tests would be documented They would be remembered and soon lost in their faded glory Step out of reliving the past Step out of worrying about the future Step up to yourself I wish I could say that that is what I say every morning but it’s not I still do almost everything that use to bring me down to the depths of hell And I would say that I deserved it or I couldn’t love who I was enough to be my self I don’t love myself yet, but I love more of me now than I did before I stepped up on this stage I haven’t yet let go of the past or possible scares that were programmed in to me too early to remember I haven’t let go of moments that I was ready to have end I haven’t let go of loves that I didn’t appreciate I haven’t let go of the dead Once in a while I feel some things can’t let go of me My triumph is not in conquering all My triumph comes from the first step in a different direction My triumph comes from my awareness of the habits And pausing and choosing a different path I apply this to every moment I can In good times I try to take those moments of joy and announce them to myself, through vanity I attempt to deliver them to others I have no answers but I have the code that will change your life At least it has changed my life I am me, some guy you’ve never seen before (except you three) No matter what your experience tonight, you have witnessed the triumph in my life I had never written a poem meant to be performed, expecialy on stage to all of you A week ago I looked ahead and I saw all of you sitting out there I saw all of you with stone faces, stone of gray marble I saw my self up on this stage… sweating. Tongue swelled up so big I had a speech impediment The sweat from my shaking hands stared to run the ink and my knees shook I saw you all sitting there, I thought to my self… You would all love me if you knew me I realized that statement was filled with the lack of self-love My pride of being up here… My pride in my words, in my message, in my hope that maybe someone here will never be the same again I just want to plant the seed I hope one day I can be up here and not feel my ego swell with confusion I want to stand up here and pretend that you are all my best friends, my family, you are people who don’t need to hear what I have to say but you listen out of politeness