Lifes Work

What happens to love does it just dry up and blow away under the sun, on the ground, off in the wind when that tear drops and the screaming dies out where are you then does it really matter at all What happens to love when you shut the door… turn out the lights… walk away walk away, walk away, walk away when you step out side and you’re all alone no one’s there watching you any more What happens to love when the shutter snaps and you’re caught in the act of being the real you and it’s beautiful so beautiful the beautiful you that you never knew What happens to love when it grows up faster than you’re ready for it to do so fast, that you can’t hold it back no matter what you do What happens to love when it dies young no fault of its own lifeless so early all you can do is stand and stare in to its eyes so cold yet warm memories glisten as your heart fills your throat Love Is that reminder and it has no limits….

wasn’t very lively all day even talked about going to bed right away a little work, a little thinking tried to make someones day a little brighter they didn’t want to hear it wanted to be doing something else wanted someone to listen wanted someone to tell me their problems just for a little while just for a moment wanted to open up with out fear fear is constantly chasing these days of late not fear of judgement fear of failure fear of not being good enough the fear must be rather weak for sitting happens and not much else, all the time thoughts come and go but no sign of life is found if the consequences are not feared fear is relatively insignificant no death nor pain will come no homelessness, no hunger life is far to easy here not needing or wanting leaves you free a bum in his own house driving his own car what does he want??? he only asks for ‘just enough’ just enough, nothing more it’s not the way to riches it’s not the way to fame it might just be the way trying to keep the chin up each and every day trying to do a little good now and then but each day there are questions how come the future isn’t brighter? isn’t it really caused by greed isn’t it my duty to see what’s really going on and say something maybe say something instead of buying something why preach if you yourself are unsure no one preached to you… it just happened putting the question out there should sufice for now you’ve always heard ‘there are no dumb questions’ this country is rotten to the cor and still all the attention is paid to the bruise on the surface the people of this country are deaf, dumb and blind but it’s easier that way and yes, I am one of those people deaf, bum and blind I will always be noticing just a fraction of what surrounds me love and pain… hope and indifference I just hope something happens soon I want to be a part of a movement I do not want to be it’s leader but I will bring people to it hopefully, not too far off in the future our children or our grand children will see hope in the future again they will see wise intelligent people behind old eyes people who realised that they had to start taking some responsibility for what they have done for what their for fathers had done even if it’s too late lets at least go out with some dignity chins raised high with honor or maybe not… we are X some would call us the lazy generation given the fruit early we think typing on a key board or talking on the phone is hard labor we can’t even walk up the stairs because we’ve grown so lazy maybe we’ll realise that we don’t need to fight daddy’s war anymore maybe we’ll run our entire lives by remote control travel without going anywhere love someone without even meeting them check in on them constantly because the media says you need improvement X is not the beginning or the end I wish I could say we’re hiding buried treasure but I don’t know… maybe we are that’s much nicer than being insignificant that’s right go out and be some body and prove them all wrong prove that you don’t fit that stereo-type prove that you do have wits and that once in a while when your parents said something smart, you were listening even my parents said smart things once in a while I didn’t catch all of it but once it a while I heard things like “do what I say and not what I do” “life is like water, cup you hand and let it fill you instead of grabbing at” “be kind, even if it means you have to walk away” “stand up for the rights of everyone, one day you might need help sanding up for yours” “don’t do anything else in bed but sleep, train your mind and body to sleep in bed”<—- I think I messed that one up If I’m ever a parent I hope I say something smart once in a while I hope I tell my children that I love them enough so they don’t question it but not so much that it’s completely annoying I hope I can be open with them and not have it backfire too badly I hope I have kids that have a sense of humor about life I hope I have kids with someone cool Someone that is confident but not cocky has their shit together but doesn’t mind if I’m a bit crazy someone who can chop wood, hike an unmaintained trail and tries to kick my ass at everything someone surprising and who has no problem having a conversation with any type of animal who likes ancient history and legions, magic and dreams who has their own take on art someone who is accepting and forgiving someone who thinks people are good and hates no one someone who stays in touch with their old lovers because if they were good enough to love once, they are good enough to talk to later someone like me in some ways but different in more ways someone who can talk for hours about death and the religious and political forces behind life someone who doesn’t mind that I like Sex and the City (judgementals out there) some who has loved and lost and come out the other side still smiling and hopeful that their heart will open again one day one day one day that heart will open it will stop hiding behind lies one day that heart will be healthy and free… the end. time to go to work.. yee fucking ha!

I don’t remember how I met you It might have been at the pool You were the most amazing person I’d ever met I discovered jealousy because of you Sweet justice, the jealousy drove you away Introduction didn’t even start the understanding A lesson none the less I met a boy in line at my first concert He had strange hair and spoke loudly He wasn’t scared if people were watching him He introduced him self as an artist He was the first artist I’d ever met I respected him for being him self Later on I found he respected me for the same reason I never knew we had mutual respect During one of the first parties I tried to get you to do a shot I was drunk, you… didn’t speak English You were the most powerful person I’d ever met You were bigger than life, the life I was afraid of You were the one who taught me Jealousy pushes away the thing you want the most Plain and simple I tried to return the favor with a green card We learned together for three years You loved me the longest and I never understood why Fourteen years later we met again For a beautiful moment it was destiny In the end it was your jealousy that ended A tremendously tortured year I never liked you much as a person You were shallow and arrogant Your saving grace was your loneliness You were searching for yourself And I was there to talk to Through your search I found a little piece of myself You took a few pieces with you when you left But I found them much much later I had a love hate relationship with you Thirty-two years it lasted You spent most of it showing me who not to be How the choices you make become habit forming And one day friends and family might try to save your life It’s a lesson you might only get once He was a story teller Now the stories are about him And I will be the one who writes them I thought you were young and good You thought you were old and better I thought things would be better when you were older You thought I might grow up I’m constantly changing for better or worse Wiser still I grow Through it all I try and learn and teach Learn and teach

you wake up one day and find your son is dead he did his best to get your attention but you squandered it all away thoughts of “could have” and “should have” fill your head with disease scrambling desperately to cover up the mistakes searching for anything to dampen the memorises that burn in your soul a soul that ebbs and flows like tide good one moment, disaster incarnate the next one day it hits you the pile of junk that was used for distraction it is rotting, causing the memory to intensify the pile has become the reminder you begin to take the pieces off one by one “just rearranging the deck chairs” you think to yourself but it doesn’t matter at the time it always feels like doing something helps the pain tired from your labors, sweat drips down your leg you find a shady spot to think about the origins of pain “it only exists in your head” you tell your self you know this and yet this time it doesn’t help there is something missing a ritual some conviction some peace in the fact that you are left with other choices but you decide you do not want that peace and quite yet the pain is not complete it is only a constant whisper when you want it to be an anvil dropped from ten stories up leaving no doubt that it is what it is you want to feel it completely so you can let go one day knowing full well that letting go is not what you are good at you fear it you fear it because if you can let go then you will be able to understand how others do the same and that is an understanding you never wanted to know you sit, in the shade, listening to the whisper touching the side of your cheek the tears come and you are stuck in your miserable comfort zone again

I admit it I miss her terribly I miss the thought of her The future we talked about Days after we met We talked about children and raising them Together we were going to be those parents Who did things and never once saw the child as a burden I miss her when I close my eyes at night I miss her in my dreams I miss her before the sun rises and she is not beside me Every morning at six forty five I miss her call At six forty six I miss her lips pressed against mine I feel her next to me all day long I feel her thoughts, thinking about me Every day is the same feelings I tried to hide them Cover them up Burry them But they are there Every day, the same thought The memories of peace and hope Desire closes around me like dirt on the dead When I realize she is Gone

I was sitting in the chair left behind Sitting against the east wall looking back at the kitchen Standing there was a beautiful woman who I had planned on spending the rest of my life with She had an old t-shirt on, there was a smudge of paint on her left cheek Her eyes glittered as she smiled back at me And my heart sank a little deeper We are not together any more, her and I She said I wasn’t enough of something Or that the lack of a plan for how I dealt with stress was just too much It’s been eleven days since she left me and I feel lost without her I had complained so much about the way she wouldn’t let the past go And now I hang on to that past as if it were a life-preserver and I was in the middle of the ocean All of the resentment and faults washed away moments after she said her last words The memories of her sticking to me like glue and I can’t imagine what life will be like with out her People have said more than once that I need a problem to make me feel stable I wish it wasn’t so, I wish I could see how I could have said more Some times I would know when I had said the wrong thing and no doubt she reminded me of it All I feel now is the love she had for me and I waisted it on pride I hope one day I will be with her again I will grow and learn Tell her how much she means to me on a daily basis But I’ve said all of this before Each time she’s left me, I say it again and again Maybe this time it is the last

A beauty to behold you are fare as the tulip pedal Your radiance exudes from your skill like heat from the fire As a silver cloud A pale breeze She sweeps me off my feet And I look upon her as a vision of beauty and grace She is not perfect as nothing but imagination and memory can be Perfection is only for those who seek to compare them selves She is exactly who she should be and her road has just begun We are all travelers on our personal journey No end in sight for any wise person

The mind is reeling, it just needs a blank page… At first it wanted in on another reality, like a drink from a familiar spring It wanted in or access to someone else Or was it more like showing off to it self Look what I can do and watch me ask the right questions and lead the conversation See its power with out being noticed The mind is at play and other minds were a temporary target But in that moment, the mind was on the hunt For reflections and reactions, it sought out minds that it felt it might release Something new, a happiness so profound that it would shake the world if everyone had it at the same time It wants to spread the word of love… Love is just a word, it represents something that we all feel in a different way but our minds tell use, this is love Ask your self, do you love anyone more than you love your self? What polluted spring can provide for the purest of waters? Love is something that many of us have not felt We felt strong feelings for our boy friend, girl friend or husband or wife I would have given my life for things that I never loved I am lucky in so many ways, I was taught acceptance at an early age, I could be what some call a sensitive person… I might be all that an more, lest start stacking the labels and see if we ever catch up to the self one minute ahead Habits… Habits rule our lives and we rarely know it Just one reaction away from having an entirely different perspective on life or past life But love is amazing… It creates or promotes self-awareness, and in turn it promotes self-love I say to myself that I’m always happy when I don’t have a girl friend I’m always happy if someone is not throwing their emotional poison at me But it makes me aware of my own so much more when it’s constantly being challenged I saw a relationship as a testing ground and in the end a test was concluded Months afterwards those tests would be documented They would be remembered and soon lost in their faded glory Step out of reliving the past Step out of worrying about the future Step up to yourself I wish I could say that that is what I say every morning but it’s not I still do almost everything that use to bring me down to the depths of hell And I would say that I deserved it or I couldn’t love who I was enough to be my self I don’t love myself yet, but I love more of me now than I did before I stepped up on this stage I haven’t yet let go of the past or possible scares that were programmed in to me too early to remember I haven’t let go of moments that I was ready to have end I haven’t let go of loves that I didn’t appreciate I haven’t let go of the dead Once in a while I feel some things can’t let go of me My triumph is not in conquering all My triumph comes from the first step in a different direction My triumph comes from my awareness of the habits And pausing and choosing a different path I apply this to every moment I can In good times I try to take those moments of joy and announce them to myself, through vanity I attempt to deliver them to others I have no answers but I have the code that will change your life At least it has changed my life I am me, some guy you’ve never seen before (except you three) No matter what your experience tonight, you have witnessed the triumph in my life I had never written a poem meant to be performed, expecialy on stage to all of you A week ago I looked ahead and I saw all of you sitting out there I saw all of you with stone faces, stone of gray marble I saw my self up on this stage… sweating. Tongue swelled up so big I had a speech impediment The sweat from my shaking hands stared to run the ink and my knees shook I saw you all sitting there, I thought to my self… You would all love me if you knew me I realized that statement was filled with the lack of self-love My pride of being up here… My pride in my words, in my message, in my hope that maybe someone here will never be the same again I just want to plant the seed I hope one day I can be up here and not feel my ego swell with confusion I want to stand up here and pretend that you are all my best friends, my family, you are people who don’t need to hear what I have to say but you listen out of politeness

Did you hear the story? The one with magic and hope and beauty That story you would never believe if didn’t start out with ‘once upon a time’ You suspend your disbelief so that you can enjoy the visions The thoughts that take you beyond what your reality offers That reality that you’re born into The one that is ruled by laws and money and status But in the story all you have to do is believe Belief makes it true Belief makes everything happen You can turn walls into smoke, water into ice and believe any thing you want Building the story as you go, one page, one word at a time You just need to believe it to be true and it will be

When I am the morning sun, I kiss the mountaintops I turn them red and orange to mark my arrival To say this is the starting line of life, not just survival I fill the valleys with cotton and mist and raise it to ease your eyes open Softly, gently, I bring you to me… When I am the morning sun, I greet you with a smile A smile a mile wide and ten miles high I live and breathe my life in to everything around, just to wake you Just to see you Just to be, with you I kiss the clouds, each and every one I kiss them and tell them who you are My lover, my friend, my soft cheek where my lips press The one I trusted above all the rest… When I am the morning sun, I race for miles to be at your window To light up your room, to warm your soul To prepare you for the day, another day of life A life you don’t take for granted A life that starts with me kissing you softly When I am the morning sun, I rise knowing you are the one and only And I give that to you so you never have to feel lonely… When I am the morning sun…

Will I always be a mystery? Some times I really hope so It would kept the search going for a while longer Process… Possess… Possess is what leads me to what? Maybe it never has anything to do with the results or the end Process is what keeps us alive until we die and that is where I get stuck Is it all about affecting the next generation? Hoping that they will turn things around Hoping that you can redeem your mistakes What if it’s not… It’s all just a game we dreamt up because there isn’t anything more to it You are born, you have a life, and you die Weather that life is 100 years or 10 seconds Your life is all there is It doesn’t matter how many people you affect Or how much money you can accrue No one else has done this too us… This… We have done to ourselves… Live it like you mean it

Youth is wasted on the young Privilege and power is wasted on the old The old send the young off to die Do they graph their profits using bodies on the x-axis? We are the hooded figure standing naked on a box We are held hostage by the lies Just mere lambs being led to the slaughter Can you keep yourself from taking that final step Into that gas chamber of a shower The only way to end the fear, the control Is to understand the past, not just the popular history But the real ugly truth that lays underneath the hype

It shows in your face Making the right choice It brings you down, making you crawl back up To where you started from days ago Bad habits Like the treadmill Tire you out Only because the question, the option is still there for you It’s the hard choices The last ones you give up or fight for Those make the path vibrant Knowing the path and walking it It would be so much easier if you didn’t know what the right path was But this is your personal legacy To know the path, to walk the path, to evolve beyond our personal addictions What is lacking when you look inside I just want a little release… Then find it. Do it. Why compensate when you can always give up tomorrow

Who’s the brick? Is she the brick? Solid, trustworthy and reliable Or is the brick sharp and rough Do we crumble under too much pressure? Or flex and bend like the oak Grow and become more stable as the years go on Are we admired for our present state or the remembrance of growth that brought us here? Persistence and determination Create your life as you live it

Be in the moment… Be IN the moment Be there when the pin drops When the tree limbs sway and the clouds race overhead Be there for that feeling of water running over your body Soap bubbles clinging to your skin Be there, in that moment and don’t let your mind wonder No moment is ever boring when you pay attention In that moment when your lover says they love you Be in the moment Resist those memories of broken hearts and empty promises Why waist a perfect slice of time on a past that will never change Change the future and live now Fight against the wondering mind and wonder in the shoes you are in You can always love like you’ve never loved before Become the moment; the past will come under your command Instead of the past commanding you This page was white the moment before I decided to change it The life of this page will never be the same again I paint it with love and kindness Kisses and hugs I love this page like no other, be cause it is here, right now This moment will never happen again I free myself as I free this page Be in the moment, never forget, and rule your own mind

Behind this door the sands build As the wind whips like the tale of the serpent Come ride with me Ride on forever Come with me With me you will (come forever) The channel of dyeing soles Runs deep So hold your breath Looking skyward Pray to your god Pray that he will save you Pray that you will die a painless Death

Waking in the military I did not question how I got there The people around were friendly Girls and booze wondered the halls Friends had unknown faces and nonexistent pasts Everything changed when I said yes Yes to what? An athletic camp I thought A limo came and picked a few of us up The other guys had big duffle bags and we all our cell phones I didn’t even pack a bag and I tossed my phone in the car as if it would always be there The camp rolled by when I realized we were not going just for the day I had not bought any clothes with me,just the one on my back No one knew where I was going And everything went black Waking up I knew I lost my phone I wanted to escape How did I end up here? What was I told that would have led me? Panic took over and I saw a little mouse run across the floor And poof I was in New York It was sunny out and I was with Hana She was showing me a round and we went to a press conference or media happening It was held on the stairs of a building The stairs were long and wide, there was a grass border on one side The TV crews were at the bottom behind the yellow taped line And there was some dogs running up and down the grass hill Back and forth Each time they went, the people gathered to watch I walked over to get a closer look The dogs were chasing after a fluffy toy that a man was throwing for them But there was something else Down at the base of the hill there were mice They were chasing the dogs as best they could Up and down the hill I had some wine on the steps My kitchen appeared and one of the mice was in it Then I saw my bedroom wall and I knew it was finally over

The past never dies Just some of the bodies that occupied it Old souls looking back through the rabbit hole Fear of reality Fear of real change Breaking emotional addictions Creating each moment New and not yet discovered Sorrow and love Pity and whimsy I can almost see the path And almost is uncertainty trying to convince me that I can’t do it I have a new trump this time Belief and hope Soon I will see the path and at that precise moment I will know

For some people it’s not easy to cry To succumb to the sorrow To yeald to the pressure I use to cry without shame It was natural It helped me understand the nature of things a little better I didn’t know that talent could be lost Or what the repercussions would be But yesterday the pressure was too great And I started to cry I cried harder and longer than I’ve ever cried before I cried for loss I cried for love I cried for forgiveness and mercy And when I finally stopped crying, I knew I would cry again I cried in front of my friends I cried before strangers I cried and I cry It’s not easy to cry It’s probably never easy But I’ll do it again and again so I never forget why we cry

Have a little of your own medicine Be careful not to spill This will help the headaches, the stomach cramps, the watery eyes and that oh so deserved broken heart Here’s a nice jar with a lid You can put the pieces in And here’s a glue stick if you feel motivated to put the pieces back together This use to be my button jar but I don’t need it any longer I hope you figure this out Good luck and good-bye

Some days, live all on their own No friends that really stand behind you No on in your life that supports you for who you are Even if you change your mind again and again Not a day goes by that I wonder what kind of fuck up I’m going to turn out to be. Drunk at 3:25 on a Wednesday and I still clame I’m not an alcoholic How does that work. How does and of this bullshit lieing life work? I will die one day, and that moment will be one of the strangest moments ever The moment I’ve looked forward to, that moment I have feared in some way When that day does come, I will be happy and sad at that same moment I wish that day would come, but no sooner than the end of my life… I’ll loose friends, skin and sleep before this is over… One day…

What is it What is that crazy feeling That lacking The void, it grows each day Depression, bipolar, out of touch They all walk with me, fallow me like a shadow Numbness, not ever desperation Waiting for something to happen, wondering what it might be Wondering if I’ll take the right step, not miss it by waiting

Oh fuck he said as he cracks a beer Oh fuck it; this life is more than that It’s a song coming through the headphones It is music, which make the mouth and heart sing, out tune Fuck it I don’t care for reservations anyways I want to dance and sing and twirl around until I fall I want to forget and remember and relive every thing I seem to forget everything After a while I can’t remember what is real And where did all of these fantasies take place Am I lying here lonely Do I want to be along and will it make anything better I don’t feel lonely not lonely at all I am my best friend I’ve been there the whole time And I’ve wondered why hasn’t anyone joined me in my space But how could they Disturbing the pool Causing ripple where there were non before I’m not scared At least not right now It’s that clear reflection that let me feel how great it is Why did you go Why did you stay Why didn’t I stop caring and why didn’t you start Like never before have I been here in this time right now I think I remember being someplace close Singing down the stairs Cooking and filling the house up with myself I can feel this is true now I know I believe in me I can’t stop right now Why did you and who were you I don’t care that much to really ask

Didn’t need to go to the moon Just some place different A different headspace Am I focused and charging to the finish line? Hell no… It’s just like any other unproductive Monday Give Monday a kick in the pants and what do you get? Monday has a sore butt, so it lies down I always try and tell my friends when they are out looking for a job. You don’t need a job… what you need is enough money to pay the bills A little push from the right and a pull from the left A ton of luck and I think everyone could figure their lives out I think conformity is brain washing I think I’d rather die than be unhappy for most of my life I was born a cynic As much as a child could hate with out really knowing what it was I felt that for my family and the human race in general How could the same group of people kill each other off and spend a lot of their time and money on how to do it better? As I look around my neighborhood I see the things that have changed over the past fifteen years I see the things that had changed while I was still living here and thinking “how new�? And I think back to when I use to hide in the trees and pretend I was out in the woods with no one else around I loved the trees so much I use to make believe I was born in the jungle And that my parents found me once while they were out hiking I was different from everyone else I met. I was usually well liked by most I even befriended the coolest guys and girls, but that was in grade school At a catholic school no less People weren’t mirrors back then. You just saw who you wanted to be and tried to be around them as much as you could You would think that you could learn to be different, with out realizing everyone around you was doing the same thing Being a kid involves a lot of self inflicted torture Being older is like learning to walk, you think you have something figured out but then you find yourself sitting on your ass…

Deleted… A flash came and a rush fallowed Programs had to shut down and start up Such a great epiphany! Would be terrible if it was lost before written down Finally the window opens and the writing starts as usual First line flows out just as remembered Second line flicks off the fingers Third… Third requires a little more thought By the fourth, you realize you pigeon-holed everyone in to two categories Thinking about it for a few seconds… DELETE That was one of the first poems/brain dumps I’ve ever deleted If I’m writing to myself then I shouldn’t really have to delete anything Having someone read something puts that pressure where there wasn’t any before ANSWER: write in pen on what ever is handy…

Watchtower, marvelous virgin Breathless your lungs inhale Your stare so unforgiving, lonely Eyes trailing passage, enticing new Traces of careful footsteps Keeping time, aligning judgment Tracking every misconception to its final destiny It’s final resting place in your lamp light Your hallowed ground of piety. See my ghost, transparent siloet The bend it puts your heart in Dark watcher of the silent timid Please change your harsh gaze I bask in loves light In heart felt concern Watch my steps as they lead to your side Fellowed shadows our union has been perceived Breath in the warmth of my touch As fingers explore the sinuses tense Releasing you Untying

The days have passed and I am left standing What good is truth when it can not be fathomed What good are words when each one holds different meaning What good is love if it can be passed by like a weary hitchhiker What good is it to know someone and then have them change into someone you do not know What good is honesty without caring What good is personal happiness if everyone in your wake is sad What good is it to just walk away and not look back What good are you to me

The colors, they drive it up and down, along snow covered highways and friends sly ways The colors they need light to be seen, to shine, to be everything that they wish to be Why not just take another drink and sit and think… just let it run out… on to the living room floor Don’t hold back when the time fits you, when you seem to think that no one is around… do those things with a heart felt touch Do them over and over until your arms ache and your fingers cramp… do everything that your perverted little imagination can get a hold of and then come up with more More of the product, more of the solution, more of the passion that drives you every day to the next waiting stop Where you pause… listening to the sounds around your head the feeling that surrounds everything when nothing else is really on the line Bang on that drum you little bastard… beat out something fierce that speaks to the devils in the hearts of the men in white… when people that can’t stand to feel Beat out something raw, rip the flesh from its bony hanger In the closet that every thing hangs in rows in the dark Add some words, wont you add something that tells the world that you have a voice, that you throw out against the wind, the marrow has a sole Bring it back down to the ground, the brown dirt that sticks to your shoes, the stuff that we pave over Bring it back oh saint of rhythm, oh god of the drums, oh captain of sonic color Seeing the light under the door, the color comes back and the air looks different Touch the brush here and tell a story of what could have been One that everyone thinks should have happened, wishes they lived in just for a moment, something unreal and more like music…

Beauty by design you play your roll and I play mine, those beady eyes once revered, now cast down Playing the part of who we are, each step wondering if we are different, if the other has changed Paying with our emotions as we have always done, this man is heavier than before… Thoughts of a moment, would you let a tear go, say thank you for being there, for being kind when I needed you But that was not your roll, the taker does not thank the giver… how sad Chasing me and my man down the stairs… for what? Only to let me know I was not caring enough for a taker such as you I wasn’t there when I left you, in my own house, with my dog, as I slept on the floor under an others roof… I was right when I said it… Good to go in the morning before she’s really awake… She’ll be too tired to be really mean And you were… I escaped through the gap left in your insults… I walked away… Our stage has been closed for now, your roll has been canceled as I continue to perform, giving everything away Giving until I’m empty and still never wanting to take, how strange that must be to you Not wanting, never asking. I know it’s not the best way to be But it is my beauty by design

Wash me delicately Or I may shrink If I am truly your favorite Most prized A symbol of your unique character Read my labels Do not treat me as if indestructible Notice if one of my seams is coming undone I am your humble servant And will do my duty as long as I am cared for I have protected you I have brought you pride Pay attention, treat me well And I will be there when you need me

He was someone special to me To everyone he met, he was unique So kind, so insanely smart, so completely out there My dad drank himself to death Just like that, died in his bed Phone cord rapped around his leg in a last effort to call for help I wonder if he would have called me, so he could hear me say ‘I love you’ one last time I did love him as most sons love their dad But mine was the self defeating underdog He made me, he made me think, even when he didn’t know it I thought about things he would say He was the outcast of the family I was always the one to talk to him I was in fourth grade after the cops came and my mom decided we’d stay some place else for a while I was sent in to the house, I never feared him There he was, looking out the kitchen window There was a strange air in the house I walked up behind him and told him what the plan was We talked a little while and then I left He is part of me and I treasure that part As if it were gold incased in crystal He was beautiful in the way a classic hard bound book has beauty I’ll never know him the way I’d like But it’s my fault, he was always there I justify it with pain… The pain of seeing A man like him letting himself go the way he did Here’s to you George! I love you, and you’ll always be with me…

Candle nights and wine, those old memories so kind Thank you for those moments, so precious, so there Those times just wanted to burst with love Those nights void of sleep and peace The good times we’ve had and the disasters we’ve witnessed Complete emotional schizophrenia at it’s highest degree Thank you dear little memories, so calm in your reflection Marvelously soft in your recollections Never anything bad enough to really say good by Daydreaming, it’s as if the acid never wore off completely Stuck in a state of wondering if it’s all real Or if reality will ever return again Thank you oh precious snapshots Oh licorice vines and table topped hinds These eyes have seen it as it was Maddened tear scars and late night battle wounds The hand that slaps and claws in rage and fright Those eye quivering, rationally vacant, writhing with in of hysteria Close the heart, pull in as the turtle does, protect that fragile you Looking out silently from inside, out of reach So lonely and so safe And now I forgot what I was looking for…

It’s around the corner, the day That space is going to go away and not return That light, that door into a special place will be gone A mind that has meant so much to me and everyone it encountered will go dark It’s over due in some sick and twisted way but I’m already grieving Saddened by impending loss, scared of an empty house Having childhood handed back to me, passed down with a slip of parchment So very few moments are left now and they are all tainted Soiled with beer soaked dirt, the past has just been cut down My youthful world died standing and now it’s lifeless branches lay crushed Poor little brain can’t understand what is going to happen Sad little child crying for his father to wake up Wishing that there could have been more memories Thoughts of good times to counter the hazy disease It’s close now, I’ve talked to him, each day is now going to start and end with the same question In fear I will wait for the answer to arrive This day is different from others Perched the raven waits for the call He is dieing fast

I saw a scar today It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in a long time It wasn’t graceful or timid, instead it’s boldness vibrated with energy That scar, the story behind it reminded me of so many things, struck dizzy I told myself to breath so I didn’t fall… Scars are the best poems, they are the poems the flesh tells The rejoining of pieces meant to be a whole, of pain that has past but might still echo The skin changes where it’s rejoined, stronger to make up for the weakness. I think about the scars today, still spinning my thoughts, spinning around a center That center is a mystery, calm, quiet, waiting for the spinning to subside… Scars left behind, I treasure them, their reminders, their quiet suggestions

Old constants have shifted out of sight, as if a fog had rolled in and now the sun is hastening it’s retreat The old markers the strong and trusty pylons have vanished and the minds eye has filled their lack with ghosts Ghosts of ghosts who use to be our favorite past time to recall… Sitting in awe of their disappearance, the old feeling of being the glue, the force that kept the peaces in place Has given up… All of the needy feelings to keep the security of acceptance tightly woven together Has begun to unravel… Those trusty pillars have given way to bollards, new and polished offering no history No scars of history, of comforting permanence, they fade and pass of their own accord The temptation to become the glue once again is not as it was… The force behind the need is now the wind Shifting and dieing off to little more than a ghost of it’s own… Even the distant white cliffs have changed, they too have faded, been drawn in to the fog It’s icy vale thickening with each lapping wave, each remembrance of their strength and beauty… This is a time of lonely discovery, loneliness that fills it self with adventure instead of the temptation to return Filling up voids and cups and barrels with wide eyed wonderment and something called confidence These vessels would not exist with out the support, with out those old needs being propped up Or would they?

Waiting for confirmation Each time I pass the threshold I look to see if the 0 has turned to 1 Every time I think of what I want she stands there silently Giving back nothing, giving the reality back to me Energy she says, that’s what the attraction is As we do not share that energy there is less of an attraction I’m so full of love yet she does not want that She wants newness not security now I was safety when she needed it And she was a resting place for my heart She was a chalice that I had held in to high of a regard Exposing me to things I hadn’t known To a side of humanity that was not in my experience Who else can I put these questions to Who is going to give what has been taken away How am I not missed, leaving no empty space

To My Lover, Wishing I could kiss you now, hold you and set you at ease. Rub your head and body with scented oils and lotions. Touch you with the most caring grace. I want to give you everything you could hope for in satisfaction. You are so beautiful, such beauty consumes ones heart. A sonnet, a painting… An ode to you for your morning gaze. I shall not think of things that would honor you more. The list would go on far to long and I have only so much to give. I only want to wish you well and give you an unsuspected moment. One that will brighten your spirits, bring a smile to your perfect lips. Lips which I love to kiss and suck like a cherry. Feel me now, standing behind you, putting my arms around you. My love is yours to bathe in, you may carry this love with you. It is safe here, my love for you. Never take it for granted but always know that you are very special to me. Kissing your neck, loving you completely

Lover… Love peacefully sleeping Do not worry about love Do not worry that I am a repeat of the past I am someone new, for you And I am someone new for myself No absolutes, as you wish my sweet You have drawn back the shades for me Shown me in an instant, how many preconceptions I carry I want to do the same, yet now I feel like your pupil I hold you in the highest respect, I hold you as tightly as I can My fears I show to you, I am seasoned to be the victim Pleading innocence, a reflecting pond I’d rather not remain You demand more from love Such fire your heat is impossible to ignore I offer you my own passion in exchange Change is not always growth but growth comes anyways So similar our hearts desire, success and power All from within our personal places have expanded I want you to fall in to me with out reservation I love that you know what you want Our exchanges have heavy weight Those we choose to carry on, we will choose when to let them go I have premonitions and I set them down Knowing things will be different than we expect I hope our futures will be long Feeling that they may not only shows I am carrying some past still A little patience, a little tolerance We will see our futures, they will be exciting Passionate and reveling, I step with you My heart screams to be heard I love you Nicole, sleep well my sweet

Your eyes, your smiles The sweet concern you show It has filled this empty house My mind is wrapped around you My heart cradles yours Offering up support and caring I was crushed by a wave yesterday Smashed against the rocks and left for dead on the beach I saw you through the mist I reached out for you but could not make contact I was hidden beneath the sand Starved for breath I said your name Lover… Lover… My love Please hold this heart for me It’s heavy and I feel weak My power was taken by the sea It told me I didn’t deserve to have so much I fought to hold on but it was too strong As the distant sun grew cold I said your name The bubbles took my words to the surface As they reached the sea skin winds took my last words Please find the words I released I am going back to the sea now To take back what it took from me I kiss your cheek as I step over the first wave.

Because life can’t just go on As if nothing ever happened As if you where never there Time has wrinkled and slowed The youth of our being The fight has begun as a march Toward the field of pity Heads held high Eyes tired and in need of aid Youth is a cruel mistress And she cradles with too much care Giving blessing after blessing Just to tighten the screw And draw blood for the future Is not meant to be the far off

Don’t ask me how I know… I just think it’s odd.. For someone to break ties that seemed so strong and had lasted through so much. “How�? is it for me… Me now. How do you do it… How do you go on like a girl just out of school.. Running around from guy to guy.. Always declaring love at each step. LOVE!! How? How do you do it? Why would you change so much, so quickly. From someone that use to be so right, so true (sorta) to form.. What does it make you feel like to be “in love�? like that? Does it change the way you perceive the love you had before? Does it make you feel new again? Like you’re walking through the garden for the first time, again and again… You’re loosing something along the way, but that might be your goal.. To be happy, to change yourself to be the right person for who ever you are with. It doesn’t look healthy from this side but then again look at me… No sleep and no food. No money and less of a clue than ever.. Just a dreamer living from one pipe to the next. It will be interesting to see what happens. This has got to be the best movies I’ve ever seen. Your life (love life) is going to be fun to watch because no matter if you’re happy or not you’re always going to do something. Move to some country or go lez for a while… We are going to grow apart and I will loose whatever respect I had for you but you will be behind your new walls and it shouldn’t affect you… You have a new life fill with new people and new ideas. The final good by should happen soon. There is no reason for any of this to go any further than 6 months ago.

a morning muse for the newly friended ah, how fare the morning song is after yonder’s window breaks and how sweet is the dew as it clings to the uncut grass… but my heart is, alas, not lightened by these wondrous delights instead it caries a burdened cross from slumber in to morns wake and on through days break… why would the newly friended feel such woe as this why not be filled with glee and honey dipped lilacs and run with the rest of the free beings across the meadows… I am afraid that the newly friended feels a deep loss as the child feels, when it’s best imaginary friend decides to move or become some other child’s best imaginary friend… now that day is under way and caffeine is taking hold the loss will have to take a ride on the work day train because no child’s imaginary friend likes to go to work at least they don’t like to be shared at work… fare thee well the newly friended is off to slay dragons and rescue maidens from their peril.

Have you ever been there a lightning struck petal between the cross‑hairs It’s like being a long lost brother… to everyone Though the price is high and the visions haunting You are an adult at seven and you loose your toys and mother In an unclouded stairwell you witness your first birth And two doors down the death of a saint and soldier It’s a mad capped world in the desert You and your black horse The sun penetrates the ground beneath you But the heat has no mercy It raises sweat from your brow And tans your naked son There is beauty in the darkness And she brings salt for the palate and wind for the hair If there is not pain coming from your hunger Let there never be shame For hunger may never be satisfied And shame is at the edge of every step.

Remove me, my friends and fellows the rock is too heavy too difficult to handle the muscle is tiered the tendons have all but torn sweat from my body has made the ground slick beneath my feet I am tiered, I am weak loosen the chains, let me forget my fellows and friends you have come to my aid you can hold the stone I am too weak Take my flesh from these old bones you are my strength let me hide and never stir again.

New lines, fine green vines So nice to try new wines Dynasty provisions coat lives Chaining loneliness to desire To Fairness on fear And the search for greater things Being the way things have to fall In a child’s eye in 30 minutes Or less if the rash persists But the chalk lines fade Running colors in wet fall afternoon Flowing in radiant beauty So much in one afternoon So little concern for the following days Weeks too far for conformation Care in only for present Divine bliss of youth, joy and timelessness

In recent light, mid morning crushes my will, daunts every impulsive day dream comes and goes as I sit watching naked asses swaying gently in native breezes guilt has become a prime motivator, guilty feelings of laziness and the yearning of a selfish day spent in pleasing my inner child, stepping only to the hallway never through the door, never leaving my security unless out of pure necessity pure desperation, for release how I love hiding in my apartment from all that happens in a world to full too really give a damn my world is filled with my interests my wants and fantasies it is my fantasies that really keep me up at night waiting to break into something new

Strong and dark Deep and seductive Fire in broad skies Through cloud cotton and fur green Nights cradle suspends moment Transcends Darwin’s children Mythic projections bound by sterile erections There in freedom lies all fear All that can be committed and forgiven The sweets of divinity Beside the wrath of travesty They tangle in groomed gardens Only to be separated by thick empty white lines But emptiness is not freedom Is not openness, not a pathway Or a clean slate awaiting destiny Creative inspiration coating blank free space

Does this mean we can’t be friends But I thought you said it wouldn’t change anything We were becoming so close, what happened Did I change, did I touch you Could we just go back To the friendship we use to share Or just close acquaintance, nothing to be afraid of You know you drive me crazy, don’t you You demand too much respect You are holding your position very strong I’ll never really act on my fantasy of you You could wrap me up and lay me out in one breath Exhaled through your full ruby lips You know I love being tortured By your tempting cures and long lashes Please haunt me further Teas me a little, add to my fantasy A little life to the time spent alone Just dreading the time to leave To return in flesh to the hub we can cash I can’t wait to see you flirt Take me with you, I’ll sit quietly And watch and write and feel pain and sorrow

A gross dilution of fantasy The calm of self imposed chaos Dreaming of down between your head and the stone A distance between the duel realities Disregarding possibility in order to retain a sense of community They all became just pleasant dilution’s Projected on a starry screen For the viewer to enjoy For the voyeur to expand An auditory adventure of orifice adventure As when my age reached eight And I dug the hole in the hill behind my house Just to bury adventure people in And loose them in the dark I miss that hill of dirt I don’t have any action figures any longer.

and then one day, a disaster came after all the swearing, after repeating it over and over through the years the love story ended with only one day remaining till Christmas. They had lasted for months, and that was with counseling. Their distance just grew upon it self but it had always been in fear fear of being called a quitter fear of loosing someone special fear of following a broken families path that fear held till now, and tomorrow it will hold again but from this day on, this marriage runs on a timer. Therefore my fears will have a date on which they may finally be put to rest.

A fat pen helps the time go by sometimes it’s fun to watch it race by with streaks of fire trailing past whether she has brown hair and blue eyes or blond hair and dark shades I just need to see Wonder what if and have the time to try and lose my self I would have never guessed that the hardest thing to lose would end up being my self To let consciousness flow out to write page upon page a hand is the ultimate page. I mean the ultimate tool drop them with the rest of the chaos. Is there a brown hared beauty in the house across the street, next door is she alone, longing for comfort? It is women who inspire the great accomplishments Their beauty, their demure, they are the star light on earth I am just bones held in a bag waiting to be cast a side. More like a pon or trash, something to be done without but employs a slight effort to approach. (it’s starting to flow) a glass of wine with beauty to view is a bliss many never enjoy. The lucky or determined have a wine seller and surround themselves with beauty. Just a page a day. Just a little commitment that’s all that is required. A shred of discipline.

You may if it troubles you so greatly. Summon your protector and call your army; only then will I decide to take leave of your bed. Your harbored youth and trust. Uncovering my lies you saw that I was in fact not God, I did not poses any special powers or envision any unfamiliarity. But it was good while it lasted, your head upon my shoulder, sappy love letters. It’s all true, do you believe me? It’s all true and I’ve lied to you. The writing, the poem on the wall, it is what I love. The grieving of loss and difference of two halves. Sharing the same cup, the same worthless luck that was handed down from mother and father. Though we rarely fellowed, we still doubled from the halves given to each who use to fellow and now recently halved again. It’s our tragedy that makes the stay a heavenly retreat for afternoon daydreaming and the wall to wall carpet. An expanse that takes matchbox cars and star wars figures decades to cross, creating a microcosm of a rat race with no true lies, aware only of the present and the goal it leads. Our halved fellows parted time and history fell mercilessly in. Oh joy for our independence we’re just paper dolls once discarded, wipe and a little ironing and their just like new.

When the walls fall down again all the saints in heaven will carry on the streets will keep on roll’n by and the fire beneath my sole wont ever die

There isn’t a stage or lens to capture such entertainment as this. Touching corners never seen viewing traces unnoticed as the tour van passed on. Umbrella up rain and snow, sun in the most peculiar spaces on the soft beach sand. You, gazing at the spectacle as if it made you, browning that white bread façade so fine setting off the gold chain just right, “charmer” you think, “stud” doubt it, “frightened” oh yes baby hit that one right on the old purple head. Just a lonesome soul chaser, empty innards fiending for a bite, a social conquest of sorts or sports, who knows maybe fulfillment has existed once but long forgotten since empty visions have now become delicacy of choice, a pon shop porn hore all cozy when home alone while the discotec honey is out raising brows and licks stick. Lonesome in a waist land where some try and find the right connection.

With backs turned, the brothers five face the end The stark white of the wall ahead Shame is found resting on their shoulders In the backs of their heads Contrary to the wall their faces hide the passing of time They controle the thoughts and expression Always in control, they are So perfect, exactly what they want to be

Timber lime on starlit rouge Swath be thine tiery gaze Upon the crimson braids And heaving bosom behind Morning fog. Fog of pipe and heart, minds Speak, three in one of sight Unfettered by trues or light For silence concealed prosperous Feelings and insecure of voice. As westerly rays consume Mornings due, the conches Awoke brimming in aspiration And open weakness, nudity of soul The judgment passed in tender Telling, eye’s of heart and mind Consoled pasts tribulations Concluding fears grip and passions Cloud.

some thing they say are not to be done and others claim necessity presides over all else yet under the studio lights the outside world retires fading from present reality into the horrific nightmare of the outside

There are many types of emotions All have there own cycle It seems that in most cycles Have their purpose. The down Time for rest and reflection, the up and mid stages Is for action, action and life Motion which creates moments worth remembering and sometimes forgetting. In the down time there are moments of panic, moments that cause one to consider not moving, not doing anything. Just sitting, questioning wondering why you just sit without any ambition to move.

The ocean and pier The gentle comforting sounds of the surf The sturdy support and solidity of the pylons drowning in consumption Pound hard noise the sound wave caries in the fading line history built brick by brick beat on top of beat These scraps of time collage themselves in my life The woman lying next to my caries on on a feathered pillow her head lies

A dolls house, a ship wrecked foster parent The alcoholic phantom who generously hands down the fever to the next generation. A fever that encompasses the basement dungeon, the same that held disastrous darkness, the same one that harbored the ghost that ate at the table which the family was meant to gather for their quality togetherness time. The same dull image which walked to school, held a job for years and caught the fever at the age of eighteen. The same one who spoke of greatness, of turning the wheels of industry but in the end just sat there wondering where it had all gone. Living on memories and seeking refuge by proclaiming the injustices of the corporations and curs of age at sixty ending with a sigh of depression as the ceiling fell on the couch crushing a long since decomposed remnant of a once self proclaimed great. But who worries about he dead? Who bothers to wonder if they are doing OK in their new after life?

A light, a light post A bedside lamp that keeps a light on the paper into dusk A story teller with whip scares and childhood memories It all lays beneath the darkest of cloud cover Beneath a hawks eye in search of… Do the lights shine through the story tellers window Highlighting white lines on his desk, mimicking the ones on his back He is so great, a delightful sole Kind and trustworthy to the extent of lonely tomorrows Of sorrows deserved and prayed for His scars remain only as comfort A warm feeling that reminds him of other times Of past comfort, past relationships with past loves His elegance and wit is part of his sole But his blame lays on all that surrounds Causing guilt, raising doubt in others morals Raising insanity with every glance. Forced goodness that flows as a pen on newly pressed paper.

Does it happen like this every time Cuffed behind the back, wrists turned out Personal perspective arguing with other’s Reality on a very personal level Love found, love lost, lover pursued Ending in no love at all Are tonsillectomies better with Vanilla or chocolate Is not wearing underwear more offensive To men who sport tighty whities or boxers Calvin and Hobbes found my childhood So I put them on my bedroom wall Limestone and granite I’ve received From old acquaintances, it breaks up The pattern on the kitchen linoleum This is a brain fart I had taco bell and full metal jacket last night, What can you expect?

9‑21 … I saw Death tonight, it had a gun and I couldn’t stop it from ending my life for love; the gun, the gun was silver, polished silver, I held it in my hads, in calm hands, hands that felt No pain no remors just cause; my hands held it as gental as a new born and they felt its weight, its solid deadly weight, a weight that was about to end my life, the life I never felt I deserved or wanted, terminated, for love, not for guolt or punishment but for love; a love I drempy of for many years, the love I felt scence I was a small boy, the love I wished everyone felt for their partner; died before my eyes, with pain, real pain, the kind I’ve never felt before but knew that there wasn’t much more I could stand, and the reality, that wispering reality that never stops, it just keeps reminding me about the posabilities, about the life that could take place in me; I just can’t see it that;s all, I can’t see anyone else trying to share my life and deal withit as well as she does; it pains me to think of my future espevialy when in a state of transission such as this, it hurts me to feal this wakefull sor, this blistering woond that can’t find the time to heal

The year stared again Begining with promis of answers and difficulty Trying to regress to peacefull cluelessness It’s hard to keep tempers from flairing The pressures increase by the hour with momentary reliese Is it always going to be like this Will we ever come to a agreement we can handle

Sit among the weeds Watch the actions Passers by you mean nothing to me You’re the one who makes me trip The only thing I can change Introvert Becoming Soon to be overwhelming This sensation has begun And to this obsession I will convert For where is my life And why can=t I make any decisions My mind is mush in a bole (covered in resin) There is no difference between me and nothing There I am standing Not there but maybe over there Blind Deaf Full of life But with out purpose or direction I foresee my future There is vast space and endless wishes But there is no end.

Sad clowns on the rainy horizon with tears torn from red glass eyes Collapsing with nothing to hit In a free fall to the next day In the hopes of catching the fire Coming off the tips of the dragons wings To hold on to one single shining star In to the cup the saliva slides wishing there was something to do And crashing against the wood frame looking for the door To the room were lives stretch far beyond their comforts In dreams and desires With strong hands that never give up the matters of importance

Go through life with a bandage on your head Doesn’t say much for your eye sight Can’t really hope for a better tomorrow when yesterday you were born The cradle never looked so good as it did when you were forty‑five Give it up you sorry old sort Those girls don’t want you The camera just pays them well and the artists make them beautiful Sitting at home trying to figure out what went wrong The pillow creases on your face never fade until three And your kitchen consists of flies, five‑day‑old takeout and isle two’s special of the week, cold and waiting Those days taking a lifetime to pass ‑ suffering through the late afternoon bad TV Then the local report just reminds everyone else is screwed But not you, you have a house which you help build, you’re so proud Where did you go wrong ‑ the thoughts keep coming Why doesn’t everyone love you ‑ why did your wife leav you What is so wrong living the way you want to, Nothing Except don’t expect it to bring you happienes Those afternoons spent on the couch thinking Everyone else is wrong for persecuting your lifestyle Ignoring your own words of the not so distant past These words of wisdom which were given to better our lives, to Better our selves Ignor all of those word ‑ other peoples and your own It’s your life and you have a right to do with it as you please to dad from your loving son ‑ sun

Coming in to the world Virgin Sacrificial lamb Pure white, with nigh eve notions Raised in fields of green No wolf to raise suspicions Only the soft hand that caresses your smooth wool Those starry nights Filled with peace Thinking the whole world is just one big picture The other side of the white picket fence Green lined with trees Those delightful clumps Of cover, so sweet to the taste Those days were filled with life Until that moment of ceremony Led by women in flowing gowns The crown of daisies Melodious hors were blown in your honor You thought you would live forever Even when the last glimmering spark glistened off the swards polished edge.

As softness sparkle Seeping rose to trickle Fears frustrations, confusion Questions Too many fore answers Future is uncertain tidal Emotions rushing in Rushing out Through the sea to far shores Anguish, torment ‑ for love Love for one Curing each other Being truthful with hearing Listening, complaining, comparing Least of all resolving Tears flutter birds of prey Wanting answers Birds of paradise Seeking original ferry tails Words try to express Words only try Attempting visions, reality Pictures do no better All just a slice Memories, feelings Moments in past left still Frozen perfection Lost soles searching themselves Searching each other Tempting loss Who self wants to be Revelations unwilling Letting go with both hands

Cloud of stone Life went wandering Time fades on Priceless art The bridges kept burning Babies cried Life flew into night Snakes stood on end Still there were no answers

Break the silence the single ripple softly roles on with no mistake there is beauty out there not hidden but most of us are blind by heat and frustration the surroundings are flat, paper rolled out before us for convenience it exists for us the blessed ones

Open window front with careful ponderous view where do they come from are they ignorant or are they action it is dangerous to feel too deeply frightfully tempting realization thrown from penalizing spectators perfect and impossible do they think it should be done loathing views the window as free the shelter is an empty cave occupied insanely by the dim light and the blind sits in fear of the accusation carrying a notebook filled with dribble on hope the small misshappen creature enjoys misinterpretation thriving in its make‑believe world of disillusionment blind and suffering swirls in pools on the table flat and polished, destined for greatness lonesome desired is the morning haze tarring through the facade and shines for all to see pointing and judging such hatred painfully untouched through deadly containment the window lies about the land and its duty the cave surrounding blindly loves it there blind and siting without contempt the misshapen and blind always beg always pleading for sympathy though fast to reject any act of pity such a complex feeling fills the empty space thinking of the dangers of misfortune once dwelled on the suffering increases alone.

A beavers tail Inside the wet beavers home Sought after with golden Anticipation It’s all over from there She’s in control And restrains the savage beast Beating her wings She sours with your feelings Lost in your feeling Helplessly coming feeling

Wondering where have I gone This is no where near where I left Calm and boring tiz my view How can I return The life I once claimed The wishes The magic of life in youth Trips that had no end Where did it all go I ask the vision Where did it all go

Without time Would you be Can you answer Are you physical Or are you something within your mental Who are you And are you to remain

I broke my back looking at a woman she leaned out her third story window wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of diamond earrings; nothing fell as fast or as heard, the wind just laid humanity gently agents the walls of the walls of the city which desire pushes a person on the window to end the line; circling above the vultures but man with passion to survive, to see the sun rise another time and again nothing but heaven to keep him from it. Humanity chases its lost desire, streaking across the unlit ceiling in a cheep unpaid room; the kind you see in movies

Gloomy dooms Swirl and sway Wicked witches were once heard to say See me crawl down these walls Wise men don’t walk without their ball Smile Frown Make strange noises Write my story in a sill Things may seek Some might find Rhymes and riddles Laugh and make fiddle Don’t go Walk everly so

Are your thoughts in a random pattern Do they clash as the ocean waves and the rocky shore Yielding a mist of confusion and sense of wonder Do you know why At all times of the day Do you know what is next Do you know what was If everything moves in the forward direction then the answer is yes No matter what happens you will know it And time is irrelavent You will know it therefore you knew it before You will still be who you are if not then you are who you are Because of tine and every instant you are someone new Without time who would you be Can you answer Are you physical or are you something within your mental Who are you and are you to remain.

Disease in the pocket Futile wisdom in passion Grounded rock and snow In pictures by the sea Thinly worn, the old dress fell In a room of darkness Behind the dusty pain Many things fell Loosing their position in the world Though their cause or motive was found Except the stone tears Once, they had flowed from desire Now turn to dust Faint doves perched on the roof Such symbols of purity and innocence They staid without questions And had razed only once But they remain

How lucky To play in other fields And not get lost The pressure has begun And the locks Have been released Oh what glorious pain Dripping of sweet innocence And covered with lust Everyone knows But they don’t care They want to have fun too Play in the forbidden gardens Naked in the sun Their bodies cares and soothe Each trying to make the other And as the sun set They both begin to chime The orgasmic tone of bliss And so the story goes

The earthly calling has risen To our ears it is time To our mind it is experience To me it is you More and more You have become a part of me A part I dreamt of before Now I love for myself But with every step I wish to have you close This fire started by a spark Fills the eyes and warms the heart It has become who I am Your beauty and care All the love and trust It is the sun that never sets Just ascends higher in glory It’s radiant gaze Inspiring the flowers to push for more Which I offer to you as a symbol Of what your love inspires

Call my eyes from darkness Count the roaches in a row Watch the walls as they swing and sway Smoke filled air it calms the heart Never mind the bright colored bobs There all part of the scene Crash and burn Frames every where Daisies falling from the sky Through the parking lot me might go We can’t even feel the cold wind blow But of course in harmony we are and might stay It’s up to us You and me Count your blessing one, two, three

Dinosaurs weep the sailors cry Dew slips from grassy folds Heat Wires rising up Tangled webs of passionate embrace Call down natures kiss Dead frustrations raise with calling Their motives never formal Never pure Just caresses Sensations through skin And electrifying softness Thoughts that rip through satin cloth Through to formal pressures

How she must kiss With cats dark eyes She is surrounded by webs Her lips are as rich as blood Such secrets of wanting She has the devils smile Her claws, razor sharp Filled with night sky And her perfect figure It lies there on the table Legs spread Emanating a tantalizing prospect Of notions of intoxication The feast Positioned for all to see But the consumption Of this delectable morsel, is Done with the rain Hail and winds of steel The night is over It’s time to drive her home I step away from the porch A faint whimper comes from behind Life has just begun

Dark and tiered Wind screaming rain Wild desires standing still TV screen is reality Color and order With no time to spare There is nothing but time And know the day is over. Night brings even more visions Bigger than life in 100 pairs of eyes Larger than mine With only one exception Alone with prescription shade Staring at gray images in a dark room

If it begins to rain again Let it wash away our sorrows And leave us with a better day

My hand glides as free as the government Tumble and crawl down the cold dark highway No destination for me Crawl, needless as you I… often credited for my people Never again shall I use cheep soap Clean my fringe, call my parent Steps are rising, becoming the law Hold my harness evading the dust cole miner make no fire Walk down my halls Call my twin… It=s easy Not forever crimson rose frozen in crystal and inlaid in jewels Time remains not Cold and unreal, ieredecent and playful Call my wonder, reach my eyes Your world so far, never real Cold you might say not mine Too hot never remaining Never again will you hold my heart I the owner is not showing You can look, lust for a bit That’s all, go away that’s right, no more Piss Off.

Hear today The people flutter As the moth surrounded in total light hungry Ruthless are the ones who win Others can only hope for the best The skinny legged ones look good Their hope is that they do The ruthless rich will ask for their company All kinds are gathered Though from the outside They all blend together Doesn’t anybody know to be extreme Is to live Or is it To be extreme Is to show‑off The baker seems like bullshit The extremist is the hungry There are other things other than hunger But can the hungry Truly enjoy no more want There would be no drive No fire No ruthlessness to push them further It is not to want what others have But to want what what you do not There is a difference It is unselfish Yet yields equal results It is an unselfish desire for the best.

Wicked witches wanting Soles dared by virgins To the heavens they sore On the night they perch Through these soles darkness burns Becoming the ashes of life Worship of those unwanting Reveals time untouched Never have such acts been admired so much Change is never So the transition to time begins Self is no longer a concern The hole and empty is all

Living proud Quiet lunch Lets leave this place Forget all the rest Never remember The cries So sad Hungry and tired Never mind the rush Neil before your master Beg for mercy You’re here

Lift me higher Caress the sky The ride lasts forever When you learn to fly Eyes widen with endless space Taking in all there is And bending it to fit the pace Leaving the boundaries of earth behind Body and soul intertwine Mingling free of despair Breakfast and dinner seem so far off Though it was only yesterday We feasted on grapefruit and mushrooms In a room lit with candles Minds open We gathered on either side Friend one and friend two As we stepped off the ground And danced upon the bed of clouds Taking in the breath of the gods We shouted obscenities Then rose even higher

Before night The sun sets its sad face Behind the distant mountain peaks The evening has bliss in stor for us Twisted and warped emotions Desires traded in for intoxication Falling Despair wind just a touch of sorrow There is no end For those who seek the beginning

Before I lay my head to this stone I ask for one solute in my honor There my dragging sorrow through the mud Basics never seem so complex As mind benders snap like straw To the wind and valleys for no more

Lies behind the eyes fall behind minds that hide In darkened halls our canes are hung Where are the men in white The one who saves the day They are now made of money And rarely ever save the crying child Decisions are delivered in code Never mind the world It’s gone mad! Do all minds think alike No Critics every where In my closet Behind the glass Judgment day has come and we are guilty and being punished right now under the spotlight in the corner with the rest of the freaks Wishing for a better tomorrow Only to look toward the stars Basking in our own urine

Casting shadows into the room Flickering in and out The soft glow emerging from the key hole Wooden shoes walk to a chair So stiff, strait backed and calling for a passenger No woman has taken such a ride as this Nor a man Far out The stairs will hang Just one day after judgment day Preceding this moment Not a second before For out this stone castle Beyond the gate The sun flies with no strings attached And sets on a whim Creation, desolation, and restoration Blow out the flame.

To prosper To conquer To destroy Before the witness answers I will ask, where is the end! … It lies beyond our grasp In hell And below us There is no understanding needed If you understand you haven’t got a clue The answer for your race is live without a future See only the present These questions show no inelegance!

Fear Caution as pain cresses my heart The sorrow drips from the eyes For now is the time of ending The time of the never ending night Finding the season The truth in what is and what could be Never Never again will this pain enter these eyes Filled with disaster with no end in sight Through time Endless and wanting I shall exist

Castles of knowledge Constructed of stone Protect me from Ignorance

Lonely disaster To one not side by side Ruler never lasts Rhyme and meter Tongue and foot Basic blasphemy in the bole on the table Washed by unfamiliar hands Dreams covered in bliss No other may be as richouse Flavored life Colored desires Visions deranged Mismatched emotions to use for longing

As you sit in your world Watching the sky My sell is flying Turn away Try to wake No more thoughts Then to my sights A blur follows every movement The mind is in a room See the walls as they twist and flow The floor is no longer Darkness beneath your being Write home soon before you wake Cracks in the pavement distort Egyptian patterns Towers rise to the heaves Where is your ride Why can’t you speak Run to the dark through the right Can you tell me what time it is All day, no food, not hungry Feeling as though death is neat No worries Long day, long night Sleep will come as you dream of the norm One thought shall return The trip was good.

Call me into the shadows With the rest of the followers Taking refuge in deceit Steel we can among other things Anything that is not we can make true No matter what the thought is We can change and mold them to fit our desire Scorn us on one side Lust for us on the other Through the days we can enchant From our favorite dreams comes your worst nightmare The shadow in which we dwell and spy You shun and wonder Break our code I doubt it

Success Crush me with your drive The eyes on me are of pity No grace for the ones who fall Christ beats me with his crutch Whips my hide till it bleeds Curs my being you might For what reason Because of fall Never will I turn to you Your society tripped me Raped my innocent mind only confusion will fallow Leave me be My own world where no one trips your grace of shadow

The glass in which eyes peer Not warped but slightly cracked Weather worn smooth Comforts of home Restraining sets us free That blurry world seams less simple Once the world is almost Close Too close Very painful Take it and run Sit and stair at the wall See the mound of paint Things are complex only for a while Forget about it Relaxation come in handy Though it came late To have and to loose is better Than to ever have at all.

Seeing the stars rise Out of the mist they do ascend To correspond with angels Sensing feeling from a far Elves in pink poke‑a‑dots dance amung the trees Arrows from within beneath the sod Piercing as the cry of the rabbit Death do scare the ones that shy Too confuse, eyes blur, watch them coal In to the air fly do they may Not to complain dismay we do not See do you the heart I hold Much love expressed with the absents of touch Let me enter and bathe For you this is to far I hope you know who you are. Beauty within Become my image Throw the brittle cast into the depths Pinnacle rise and stab the unaware Lights are dimmed as age moves Wax runs into lifeless molds The blind gaze in despair Minds wonder as do the mindless

Take my hand Drift through the screen Let the tear go But do not fallow Join in the movie Come And receive what is yours Reach for what needs you Grow with the fruit of knowledge Become your desire Can you say yes Run Fly Through the endless love Never ending as the sky Open your heart Jumping through hoops That small dog is part of life It is And is about to end No more in just a few Though help is trying That day is almost here Cross in the sidewalk Tear falling Lands with a thud

See the intensity Madness flows as free as the wind Thoughts that haven’t been thought, return From no where they do appear To be so light is not To row or not is the ? It will remain until the word is said The one who has the power, may see me But if not Lucifer will take my sole Things will run wild Hide my feet from sight Swaying to and fro without a notion Falling through the floor, the floor below Disturbing those ones of other They can do what is wished Taking what isn’t No thought of anything but the time it takes Right to it without a thought No thought required That’s your idea Not true is my remark

See my eyes As they fall from sight The tear Just one sign of love Its weight that of stone Warmth of its sorrow The glow of past times Strike as you may Reaction shows not true feeling Words twisted do all wrong Love is true Lust is real Good goes with bad A little of both Life

Lies and ties hold me in this position only dismal views occupy my vision no more joyous wishes no more great hopes only darkness only failure only loss there is no better day than yesterday

Dare we dream of silent secrets Resounding in the endless night Enveloped in the cloak of the moon? Adrift, free, welling in the light My limbs touch nothing but stars Swirling without sound, without sight.

As I dream Dare I let my thoughts wonder Sour into the abyss Never have I restrained a vision The hope to have peak thought… I’m still dreaming

Through the old dry eyes the tight lipped man sees exploitation only the breakdown of nature His hands swollen and rough from the many hard years of caressing the land His dreams no longer contain the youthful light they once held they now picture his future his death lonely, maybe in the dark cold of an ally behind the piled garbage He sees no comfort in his loneliness no hope of new companionship So he stands his face and shoulder pressed firmly against the cold stone wall a wall that has become his friend one wall which borders the ultra rich People who are looking for a few nights nights when they can be treated with the respect they think they deserve Men and women dressed in thousand dollar gowns and suites acting as if the word was created for them They strut past the mans distant gaze ignoring his hard chiseled face and his strange broad shoulders He stretches closing the weak eyes The rain begins to fall dripping from his chin as aged forbidden tears.

When you told me you loved me Did I not trust you? Do I not believe in all the things You do? I gave you all my faith And all my love and trust I just wanted it back With a little bit of lust. It could have been better If I only had made you see. You always accused me Of see other girls You wouldn’t believe what I said I saw it in your eyes. I wish you would believe When I say that I was true When I say that out of everyone There was only you!

THE GIRL IN STAGE The other side of the wall I will stay Staring through the glass Looking at you so soft Seeing the way you move You float through my heart As you walk across the room You have no idea who i am Nor do you care I don’t mind Just to catch a glimpse of you tender Different are you from most Mysterious and tempting Many have you in their eye They asked I refrain Only one word have I spoke No more do I plan to Enough is enough I’ll bask in your answer No regrets I pray Things might happen if I set them free

The stone falls From our hearts Flowers rise to the sky The casing over our eyes break You seem to become tolerant With each passing minute As I am no different from others Their dreams have be captured by your charm Do not be surprised if the one that is true does not stay Look beyond the smile Words that taste so sweet may be harmful

Write if you want The thought You thunk As you think I wrong you I do No longer am I to be predicted It will not stick Black as night Vast is the sky You are wrong As I am right Don’t try You will not succeed I am not to be understood