9‑21
9‑21 … I saw Death tonight, it had a gun and I couldn’t stop it from ending my life for love; the gun, the gun was silver, polished silver, I held it in my hads, in calm hands, hands that felt No pain no remors just cause; my hands held it as gental as a new born and they felt its weight, its solid deadly weight, a weight that was about to end my life, the life I never felt I deserved or wanted, terminated, for love, not for guolt or punishment but for love; a love I drempy of for many years, the love I felt scence I was a small boy, the love I wished everyone felt for their partner; died before my eyes, with pain, real pain, the kind I’ve never felt before but knew that there wasn’t much more I could stand, and the reality, that wispering reality that never stops, it just keeps reminding me about the posabilities, about the life that could take place in me; I just can’t see it that;s all, I can’t see anyone else trying to share my life and deal withit as well as she does; it pains me to think of my future espevialy when in a state of transission such as this, it hurts me to feal this wakefull sor, this blistering woond that can’t find the time to heal